Might As Well
by Innocent Magic
Summary: Lily Evans was not the perfect prissy prefect everyone thought they knew her to be. That stick she chose to pretend was rammed up her arse, was all a show for the masses. WARNING: more mature than a T, but not explicit enough for M.
1. How It Starts

**MIGHT AS WELL**

**Chapter 1: How It Starts**

Lily Evans was not the perfect prissy prefect everyone thought they knew her to be. Well, she was, but only on the outside. That up-herself aura she chose to exude, that stick she chose to pretend was rammed up her arse, was all a show for the masses.

Only James Potter knew the truth.

Maybe Remus, too, the over-observant tosser. To his credit, Moony hadn't said a word about the whole situation; he just kept shooting his friend pitying looks when he thought James wasn't looking.

Padfoot, thankfully, remained blissfully unaware, more focused on McKinnon's ever-shrinking skirts and finding new ways to make Snivellus' life hell. And Peter was, well, Peter. He still struggled with getting to the Great Hall without someone around to follow.

The fact remained, though, that Lily Evans was, away from the eyes of her reluctantly admiring schoolmates, a Class A bitch. And the only one who knew was the man watching her leave his room – underwear tucked oh-so classily into the pocket of her robes – without a backwards glance.

He hadn't planned it to go like this. When she'd first cornered him outside the Prefects' Bathroom on the last day of September (because of course he could remember every little thing about every bloody encounter), he'd thought maybe she'd finally dropped that leech of a boyfriend: Amerson.

She'd whispered so seductively in his ear, trailed her finger so deliciously from his jaw to his hand – he should have questioned it, should have stopped it. But _it _was Lily Evans, and he was in love with her.

When it came to Lily Evans, James would always give in. They'd reversed into the bathroom, shoes slipping off somewhere by the door, shirts hanging off by the time they reached the benches.

Her lips had been hotter than he'd expected, burning him everywhere they touched. Merlin, everything about her had been like smoke, choking him, warning him away from the inferno that was to come.

It was his fault for ignoring all the signs, he supposed. If he had, he wouldn't be in his current mess.

He'd walked straight into the burning building with this one, responding just as eagerly to her kisses as she'd released the zipper of his trousers and tossed their shirts into a pile by the tub. The fumbling he'd experienced with all those other girls had failed to show up, when perhaps if it had they might have stopped before their underwear pooled at their feet and a breathless, groaning Evans was held tightly against the cool stone walls.

But really, no distraction could have prevented the frantic, desperate actions that followed.

He was a goner the moment Lily met his eyes, all the way back in first year as they'd filed into the rickety looking little boats. Six years later, with her nails leaving red grooves down his back and her wild red hair falling loose from its good-girl braid, he'd reached the point of no return.

Even if he never got to feel her surrounding him, even if this was the last time he got to her her moan his name in that way that had him losing what little restraint he had left – Lily had him ruined for any other girl.

A naïve part of him (and maybe that part was a lot bigger than he'd ever want to admit) had thought this was it for her too. That this was the release of all those years of sexual tension, of sparring in the corridors just to see her out of control, to hear her voice cracking exactly as it was as he took her with such abandon that first time.

He'd thought they'd at least cuddle afterwards.

But when they'd finished, one after the other, battling to the very last moment, that was it. Lily had pulled on her blouse, smoothed her skirt, and made for the door before James had collected himself enough to even tuck himself back into his boxers.

That hadn't been when his heart had broken, though. His innocence had reared its head one last time. The words had been on his lips: "Hogsmeade, Saturday, date, girlfriend?" Not eloquent, but he'd just had a taste of the girl of his dreams, and the key elements were all there.

Before he could open his mouth, though, she'd cut him down.

"Thanks for that, Potter. Liam's not gotten me off in weeks."

Then –

"Don't tell anyone, yeah?"

_That_. That had been the moment he'd shattered. That had been the moment when Lily Evans and her bloody venomous lips had broken James Potter and left him to collect the pieces alone, undressed and still dizzy from the high he'd been enjoying.

So why did he let her back in?

Three weeks later, there she'd been again, this time waiting until he was the only one remaining in the Quidditch changing rooms, and they'd done the same, putting such effort and concentration into it that it reminded James of a dance routine, preparing for a showcase.

Except Lily seemed to want their performance to be word perfect. She'd left him with those same words, the ones that made him wretch to remember. _Don't tell anyone_. As though being with him was something to be ashamed of.

And okay, the student body might judge if the prude and the prankster were to go out, but would a few stares be such a hefty price to pay for the feral way they'd torn at each other when she'd gotten him on his own?

Apparently so.

By day, it was like nothing more than a 'Pass the salt, please?' had ever passed between them. She'd kept hold of her prat of a boyfriend, while every other night she'd come to him.

He was her dirty fucking secret, and there wasn't a way out of the situation that wouldn't leave him a pathetic, crumbling mess.

Or maybe he already was.

So on the final day of term, just an hour before students left the castle to spend Christmas with their familes, James sat with his head in his hands, trying in vain not to track Evans' movements as she flounced out of his room, underwear in her robes, hair already secured back in its good-girl braid.

Time after time he told himself he was done with her, with being used as a means to get off.

But Lily Evans was Lily Evans, and he was just a bloody fool to be in love with the bitch.

* * *

**A/N **First of all, I apologise if the characters are not as you usually like them, or if you think they're OOC. This is a multi-chap - it wouldn't do to have everyone well adjusted from the start. Idea comes from Sex (1975). This is the closest to smut I've ever written, but hopefully it came across as tastefully as I was trying for; otherwise I'll have to change my username. I'm nervous about this story and would love to hear what you thought of the first chapter. In other words, **if you've read it, please review it!** (Yes, I have this little dignity).

* * * Innocent Magic * * *


	2. How It Travels

p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"strongChapter 2: How It Travels/strong/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"James Potter couldn't work out whether or not he was excited to be back. His Christmas holidays had been as fun as ever: days spent playing Quidditch with Sirius (under heavy warming charms cast by his mum), and all the food he could ask for, at any time of day. His parents had even managed to get a few days off work here and there to accompany them into London, or to Ministry functions./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"Really, he should be sad to be leaving the stress-free freedom that was the Potter household, and yet he wasn't, because while Christmas had been fun, it hadn't included any Lily./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"Oh, it had included plenty of thoughts of her: how gorgeous she was, how much he loved that thing she did with his tongue on his -. How much he hated her power over him. But there had been no letters, or clandestine meetings. She didn't even acknowledge him when they walked past each other while out shopping in Diagon Alley./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"The lack of contact was the reason her present – into which so much thought had gone, despite her abuse of him – still sat, wrapped in crepe with a pretty bow, at the bottom of his trunk. Like him, it was being kept hidden from everyone else. Another reminder that all Lily wanted from him was his body./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"So many hours had been wasted wondering why she had to take emhis /embody in particular. It was Sirius' bedroom skills that girls gossiped about, so why not him? Did she know how much he loved her? Was that why?/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"Did she know from the start how readily he'd give in to her advances?/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"Not for the first time, he wished he could hate her./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"She was just so emgood/em, though. Around everyone else she was the champion for Muggle-born rights, studious and a perfectionist, and while she took no bullshit, she was never harsh. She was so many contradictions wrapped in wild red hair and those bloody hypnotising green eyes./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"Lily Evans was like a rubix cube, and he was addicted to it./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"All that was immaterial for the moment, though, because his sanity was sauntering up to him with a grin in place that screamed 'I've just snogged McKinnon.'/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Padfoot!" called James to the man approaching. "Stop being a dog and help me find Moony."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"The eyes of the student body followed their movements as they clambered aboard the train – not Evans' though, James noted grimly./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"It didn't take long to reach emtheir/em compartment, claimed on the journey home after fifth year. Remus and Peter, as expected, were already inside, lounging across the chairs like kings./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""'Lo Prongs, Pads," Remus greeted kindly. His face was gaunt, but his smile gave nothing away of the exhaustion he felt with the full-moon so close./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"James nodded in reply, but let Sirius do the talking. emShe'd /embeen on the platform, and again she'd ignored him. It was maddening!/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""I say we go simple-but-classy on this one," he heard his black haired friend saying./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""We're sixth years, Padfoot," Remus replied. "We're above dungbombs now."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"Sirius' smile dropped, for a moment. Then he brightened again./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""What about –"/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""I'm not condoning another colour-change charm either."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""You're no fun in your old age, Moony," said Sirius with a pout. Inwardly, James wanted to agree, but Remus had a point: they had to grow up at some point. Just look where his own naivety had gotten him./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"It was Peter who inspired the idea, in the end./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Can we at least go down to the kitchens quickly before the feast?" he asked, stomach rumbling loudly to make his point./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""That's it!" shouted Sirius./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""What's it?" Peter sounded more confused than usual./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Prongs," said Sirius, and now James had to actually contribute to the conversation and force Lily out of his mind, if only for the moment. Besides, his two less-observant friends might notice something was up if he didn't join in with the planning. Pads had been looked on the verge of asking him something a number of times during the holidays./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Aye, C'tain?"/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""What did it take last time to woo Dibby and Uuly into a scheme?"/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""The house-elves?"/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""I've a plan."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Sounds dodgy, that."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Shut up, Prongs."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"Silence fell on the carriage, Sirius still pouting while Remus and James smirked. Only Peter didn't know what was going on./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""So what are we actually going to do?" he asked, feeling put out that the others could always read each other so well, while he remained clueless./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"Sirius draped an arm over the blond boy's shoulders casually, and whispered conspiratorially, "Baldness. All of Slytherin: baldness."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"The boys' laughter was heard three full coaches down the train./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"When the plotting was more or less over with, James cleared his throat./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""I'm stepping out for a bit, lads," he grinned./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Slytherin hunting?" asked Sirius, ever hopeful./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Sorry, Pads. Need to ask Hunt about Quidditch dates this term."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"He waved and left, calls to bring back food from the trolley following as he strode through the empty corridors. Every so often, he heard someone call his name in greeting, and would stop a moment to chat. It felt nice, being back among his classmates again. They liked him, admired him, and it was a soothing tonic to Evans' distaste./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"It didn't take long to find Hunt, either, sitting with a group of seventh year Gryffindors, tossing golf balls with the team's seeker, Lewisham./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Captain!" he exclaimed, entering the cabin with arms stretched wide and scooping Hunt into a bear hug. Agnes Hunt was the first female leader of a Hogwart's school team for fifty years, and fiercely proud of that fact. She was pretty, too, and James wanted more than anything to be in love with someone more like her than his thorn./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"Agnes' reply was muffled by his shirt: "Potter, you'd do well to let me go, or I will curse your bollocks off."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Ahh, don't be like that love," he teased./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Give me one good reason."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""My devilish good looks?"/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"She snorted. "You're incorrigible, mate."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"Finally, he released her and watched as she settled against one of the other boys in the room, a wiry looking bloke with blond hair. Inside, James felt that bloody twinge that hit him every time he was reminded of his messed up arrangement with Lily – what he wouldn't give to be in that cosy position with the bitch./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Next game's February 10th," Hunt said, breaking his train of thought. "Now you staying for a catch-up, or have you somewhere else to be?"/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"For a moment, James was ready to plop onto the dusty seats next to his friend. The words were on his lips, eager to catch up./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"And then she ruined it, just as she'd ruined him./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"How could he stay there when a flash of red had appeared at the door?/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Actually, I –" he began./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"Agnes interrupted what would surely have been a rubbish attempt at an excuse. "We'll find you after the feast to congratulate your lads' prank, aye?"/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"He nodded, and sprinted out to find emher/em./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"Bugger his New Years' resolutions; the mere idea of her had him leaving a perfectly fine conversation to enter right back into their charade. He felt pathetic. Scrap that, he emwas /empathetic. No woman had the right to control him as she did./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"Yet here he was, popping his head into every compartment trying to work out where she'd gone./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"It took five attempts. Five doors down, there she was, red hair out of its braid for once, eyes rimmed red./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"He wanted to ask what was wrong. More than that, he wanted to hug her, tell her it would be alright, be her knight in armour saving the day and kissing the damsel better./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"But that wasn't the type of relationship they shared. They didn't talk, unless her pleas for silence after counted as conversation. They didn't cuddle, no matter how much he yearned to. Those acts were reserved for her idiot of a boyfriend, the guy who couldn't know how lucky he was or he'd be kissing away her tears./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"James couldn't do any of those things, so he decided they might as well just do as they always did./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"With two steps, he was standing in front of Lily, her head cradled in his hands as gently as he thought she'd allow. He met her eyes, urging her to understand how damn angry she made him feel./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"A swish of his wand: the door locked./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"A wave of hers: the blinds snapped shut./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"Pause. Breathe./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"Blink./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"And they went again./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"When the train slowed over a viaduct an hour later, James was rebuttoning his shirt while Lily pulled on her shoes. She hadn't made a sound since he'd found her, not a word or a moan. Not that she hadn't enjoyed herself; he'd seen to that thoroughly and her flushed cheeks gave it away./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"This one, this victory, would be his though./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Evans?" he asked. She looked up, chest still heaving slightly from exertion./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Hmm?"/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"James smirked. "Don't tell anyone, yeah?"/p  
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p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"strongA/N /strongThank you for the positive reviews. They've really helped get me motivated for writing. I'm glad you enjoy my version of Lily, and hope this chapter has explained to some extent why a very confused and frustrated James let my bitchy Lily use him like that. I may not update much between now and June, but regular updates will follow in the summer at the latest. I appreciate any and all feedback, so let me know your thoughts on this chapter please!/p 


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